Catch 22
by P.L.S
Summary: Slash Harry & Voldemort. Basically pillow talk between the Dark Lord and his Auror boyfriend who just happens to be the BoyWhoLived and hasn't come out of the closet yet.


Title: Catch Twenty-Two

Author: P.L.S.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I'm not entirely sure he'd like the idea that anyone owns him. He just doesn't seem like the type to have a Sub/Master kind of kink. I always thought he'd be the type for exhibitionism or role playing. Or both.

Summery: For the 2nd HxT Lightning Challenge- Auror Potter tells his boyfriend about the stupid laws he works under and Voldemort tries his best to get his boyfriend to see that he could change the system even faster if he just opened up, stepped out of the closet, and sided with the Death Eaters.

This was inspired by my latest read, Catch 22 by Joseph Heller. I love the book, here's a clip to show you why...

_Who's they? he wanted to know. Who, specifically, do you think is trying to murder you?  
Every one of them, Yossarian told him.  
Every one of whom?  
Every one of whom do you think?  
I haven't any idea.  
Then how do you know they aren't?  
Clevinger sputtered, and turned speachless with frustration.  
Clevinger really thought he was right but Yossarian had proof, because strangers he didn't know shot at him with cannons everytimr he flew up in the air to drop bombs on them, and it wasn't funny at all._

See? That's pretty much the theme of the book. I love it about as much as I love Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galexy, but not as much as I love HP3 or Gravitation. Does that make sense? I hope not, because that means you're as nuts as I am.

ooOooOoo

Here, love. Harry smiled as his thoughtful lover handed him a glass of chardonay that Harry never even thought about asking for.

You know, you are too kind. Harry grinned as his Voldemort laughed and pulled the covers back up to his waist when the crawled back in bed. Nagani hissed out that they were like sugar filled rabbits and quickly slithered out of the room to get away from the post-coiltial sappiness that both the Dark Lord and his arch-nemisis endulged in.

Tell me that when you see the death tolls tommorow morning. Harry sighed.

Not my deparment, darling. Harry frowned, It has to go through seven other people before I can even see the outside of the folder it's always put in.I see. The secret to my success is a streamlined chain of command with immediate rewards and consequences for all involved. Swift and effective. I don't even pay my staff.Darling, we've been over this. They aren't staffers, interns, or volenteers. Those are the slaves you made out of the P.O.W.'s and families of those in your service who you declared insubordenant or incompetant you took in the last few years. Harry said and Voldemort gae him a slightly goofy grin.

Tomato, tomahto. Harry rolled his eyes but took another sip of the almost perfect wine and snuggled closer to his boyfriend.

Um, comfy.So, what's really bothering you? asked Voldemort.

I can't get transfered to Stratagy or anything really. I'm on reactive combat unless I get a note saying I'm insane from the Auror docs. Voldemort was confused now.

But you're friends with your section's doctor. You go drinking with her and bitch on the phone all the time. She'd call you nuts if you asked her.Here's the problem, if I ask to be declared insane I'm obviously sane because only a sane man would come up with that excuse to leave reactive combat as only an insane man would want to be part of combat, but if you're insane then you're not fit for duty but you have to ask your section doc to declare you insane.Harry, love, you sure you don't want to come work with me? Voldemort leaned his head on Harry's who sighed at the additional contact.

Darling, I love you, but not your ideologies or the wholesale slaughter of a huge group of our population just because they won't fit in with your idea of a perfect world. Harry drained his glass and tossed it to the floor, Can we just cuddle?Just one more question, when do you plan on telling your friends and family about us? Harry blanched.

Er, Darling, can I just not? Voldemort sighed and pulled Harry over so that Harry could use his chest as a pillow.

They don't even know you're gay yet do they?Hermione knows, sort of. Maybe. Harry snuggled down and Voldemort smiled a bit as he carded his fingers through Harry's hair.

You will have to tell them, you've been living with me for the past two years.But I don't wanna. Harry looked up and pouted, You want me to tell about a quarter of England's wizard population I'm homosexual and cohabitaing with the Dark Lord. Dumbledore will give me that stupid smile and twinkle-y eye and say something that will confuse the hell out of everyone but Luna. Hermione will guilt trip me into first, trying to convert you, then into marching or giving somne kind of public service announcement. Ron won't ever speak to me again. Neville won't be able to ever speak to me again. Ginny will start trying to set me up with Colin. Colin will start hitting on me again. Dennis will try to blackmail me into dating Colin. Mrs. Weasley will insist you come to a family dinner, Moony will insist you be dinner the next full moon. Luna will shrug then say something even more confusing than Dumbledore. Cho will cry and assume she was the one that turned me gay. Zacharias will act like he knew all along and be even more insufferable. Percy will make my life hell at work. Fred and George will attempt to be supportive while embaressing the hell out of both of us as publicly as they can. Do I need to go on? Harry whined. Voldemort laughed and kissed Harry.

Not a bit, Love. We'll keep us our little secret. Harry kissed Voldemort to show his appresiation, then again to show his love, and again just because. Then Harry let out a jaw breaking yawn.

Go to sleep, Love.'Night. Love you.Love you too.


End file.
